Social Skills Autism
How to Cope with Having Autism or Asperger Syndrome
Aspergers is high-functioning Autism that is categorized by bad social skills and weird obsessions. It will be hard at first if you have it, but you have to understand that you are who you are and move on.
Accept that you have autism. You can’t change that you have it, but you can change your feelings towards it and you can lessen it to some extent. You are not the only person with problems like that – and you might be able to meet some of your kind. The wrong thing to do is to try to deny it if you think deep down you have it. It will merely make you frustrated trying to fit into the shoes of an ordinary person.
Get help . Joining a social skills group or getting a counselor can help you learn some social skills that can help you and make it less severe, but never completely cure it. There, you can learn things like how to interpret expressions and body language and how to hold perfect conversations. This may help you deal with issues such as dealing with ill desires and finding a job if you haven’t already.
Self-improvement through self-discovery . Research your disorder and ask people about any odd things they notice about you, and then change so that you stand out less.
Stop wishing and start living . You have a disorder, but feeling envious about popular people or wishing it away isn’t going to do anything. You will just have to live a different lifestyle, for the better or for the worse.
Find solo activities to keep you busy. If you have a special interest, pursue it! Read books about it, research it, and consider getting a career relating to it. Or, you can discover you have a passion for hobbies like bird watching, painting, home improvements, or solo sports. You just have to enjoy it and be able to put aside some time for it.
Make some friends that understand you or are in the same position as you. You will need SOME people to help you down the road. They can share some of your same interests.
Edit a Wiki. Wikis are a great place to associate with other people dealing with the same problems you are. This experience also allows you to “get into the heads” of the people who interact with you on a regular basis, providing useful data you can use to identify problems and avoid them in future interactions.
Everyone is unique.
Don’t let being an “aspie” become a label for you that you carry around everywhere. It is possible to go a few months considering yourself normal. But one night it might strike you how different you are in some ways and how you will never be normal. Try to not let that get to you.
Don’t be too quick to accept yourself as somehow defective, or less than human. Many autists come to terms with the fact that they’re different, and learn to be happy with it. Your mind is unusual, but it also has unusual capabilities. If it helps: instead of ‘antisocial’, think of yourself as ‘self-sufficient’.
Realize that Aspies and autistics have strong points too, and there are some things that they do better than normal people. Focus on what you do better than others instead of what you don’t do as well or what you can’t do.
People with Asperger’s tend to be more vulnerable and naive than other people, they don’t always fully understand body language, whether someone is joking or being serious and they cannot always read social cues and they can display inappropriate behaviours – This can lead to difficulty in maintaining friendships and relationships and this is why people with people with Autism can be perfect targets of bullying, being picked on and getting into trouble. They can be taught skills in socialising, how to behave appropriately in society and body language skills.
Find help with issues such as dealing with ill desires and finding a job if you haven’t already.
Remember that even “ordinary” people sometimes have a hard time with social skills. Sometimes they say things that seem mean but really they are not meant that way. For instance, maybe they seemed to ignore you in the hallway, but actually they were just thinking about something else and did not even see you. Or maybe, since you are self-sufficient, they thought you would not want to be greeted. Maybe they were trying to respect your privacy. It is hard to know, but every time someone does something that seems mean or nasty, ask yourself “Was this nastiness, or just incompetence?” If you are not sure, always go with incompetence (i.e. their own difficulty with social skills!). You should try to be patient and understanding with other people just like you want them to be patient and understanding with you. On the other hand you should not let them walk all over you. Give each person 5 strikes. If they get 5 “maybe nasty/on purpose” strikes in a row, they might actually be a mean person and you should try to avoid them.
Remember that people with Asperger’s can fall into the hands of bullies and offhand people. Here’s how to handle them
Do not fight bullies back. Unless they throw the first punch. Or first kick. Or first bite. or…. well, you have the right to self defence
The best way to handle taunts is to say nothing and walk away
Don’t show bullies that you are angry or upset. They want a reaction from you, so don’t give them the chance. not showing a reaction is just as bad. The blankness shows them they hit. Instead of ignoring taunt them back, but do so in a more sophisticated manner. Take advantage of your skill with words. You are an aspie, use that symptom!
If you see someone being bullied, ask him or her are they ok and go and tell an adult and take him/her seriously.
Never tell a victim to toughen up, say it’s only a joke, not to be so serious, or to hit back, this can make them more alone, it can make them afraid of confiding and opening up to you and it can also make the bullying escalate.
Always be careful before you say something to someone with Asperger’s, they can overreact and/or get upset/touchy at being criticised or with insensitive comments, if you are about to deliver a criticism or an insensitive comment to someone with Asperger’s, please keep it to yourself and because they cannot always tell whether someone is criticising or making comments in order to help or when they are being nasty. Also they cannot always tell with teasing, whether the teasing is friendly lighthearted banter, joking or when it’s nasty.
If in the event you have called them a name, said a hurtful/critical comment to them/blamed them for something that wasn’t their fault, admit it to them and apologise to them e.g. I am sorry I said that to you and it wasn’t fair of me. even if said in the heat of the moment/said in the slip of the tongue
People with Autism can have flaws, idiosyncrasies and habits, commenting and always picking on their every idiosyncrasy, flaw and habit does not help, it only invites upset, anger and they will not listen to you and do it more, the best thing to do is to turn a blind eye and/or distract them to something else e.g. A quiet word in private is best, e.g. for nose picking, this is something we do not do outside and in company, but you can do it as much as you want when you are in the bedroom/bathroom on your own and in private, but don’t make a big fuss of it and it is much better than the Asperger’s person being bullied/mithered.
Tell your parents and/or trusted adults what is happening, they will help you and remember you are never alone. It is the bullies who are in the wrong, not you and remember it is never your fault and everyone has the right to be treated fairly and kindly and be free from bullying and abuse of any kind.
Remember reporting bullies and bullying is not telling tales, it is doing the right thing and you are helping yourself and others to be safe.
Go with a group or your friends, there’s safety in numbers. Bullies mainly pick on those who are alone and when adults and authority are not about.
Remember bullies are cunning, this is why they get you to keep quiet, don’t keep quiet TELL!
BULLYING IS ALWAYS WRONG AND THERE IS NEVER ANY EXCUSE FOR IT, EVER!
Remember there are many different types of bullying
– Physical e.g. hitting, kicking, punching, stealing/damaging belongings
– Verbal e.g. name calling, insults, spreading gossip and lies, saying nasty comments, asking someone intrusive personal questions
– Emotional e.g. leaving someone out deliberately, treating someone unfairly, shunning them, being unfriendly, constant/daily monitoring of everything they do and say, ‘always being in their face’, never/seldomly giving them their own space and privacy.
– Cyber/electronic e.g. sending unkind/threatening messages/pictures/cartoons via email, instant messenger, text messaging, camera phone, mobile phone, internet, chat rooms and also happy slapping.
– Even “normal” people have their up and downs there’s no happily ever after.
Don’t try to be something you are not.
Don’t get depressed, you can make it.
Sources and Citations
Compare yourself with ‘normal’ people, and be proud:
Article provided by wikiHow , a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Cope with Having Autism or Asperger Syndrome . All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license .
Autism Social Skills Videos for Teenagers and Young Adults
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