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Principles And Strategies For Teenagers-Part IV   by Steven Griggs

Principles and Strategies For Teenagers-Part IV
I’ve been a child psychologist for 26 years. The below article
is the fourth, with three previous articles that should be read first…
Right now most parents reading these articles are thinking,
“Telling my kid how great his personality is, is NOT going to get
him or her to study, raise his or her grades or come home at curfew,
especially at the moment s/he messed up.” True. The goal of this
approach is not to directly “make” your teenager instantly start
studying, come home on time, clean his or her room, listen to
directions, or anything else, although most of these things will
come to pass. The goal of this exercise is to engender cooperation
through the careful nurturance of your positive relationship with your
son or daughter. Once having established this, the effectiveness of
any parental intervention, structure or feedback increases exponentially.
While the consequences are more immediate, the foundation for reducing
future consequences, increasing future cooperation and increasing
self-esteem (which lowers resistance to parent’s requests) are being
cemented into place with each well-placed, well-timed genuine positive
communication. This is not a short-term effort. Had parents started
this when their children were two instead of twelve, much of teen problem
behaviors would have been mitigated earlier.
Having said that, one major biological reason teens are such a
problem is that they are infused with hormones. Hormones drive big
changes in the body and subsequently in teenager’s minds. They are
literally “driven within” to manifest their biological destiny, which
means they are literally endogenously pressured to “do their own thing.”
Those “things” cause considerable consternation among parents, even though
parents recognize they did the same things at that age.
One major psychological reason teens are such a problem is that they
are becoming independent, and because of the biological changes, often
think they are more independent than they really are. Being bigger now
(compared to their former selves), they have the illusion that this is
actually true. Because they have greater physical and intellectual means,
they test the waters. They push boundaries and challenge limits with
greater wit and temerity. Because of hormones and greater cognitive
capacities, arguments over disagreements also can become quite involved
and heated. It’s very challenging for most parents when this happens.
Part of adolescence is about separating and individuating, and many teens
need to reject their parents in order to find their own identities, even
when doing so defies common sense. Thus, teens focus on their friends
more than on their families, which is normal. The word “tempest” comes
to mind.
-Dr. Griggs
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page18.html

About the Author

For more information about this and other articles and ebooks by this author, start with:
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com
For more information about the author, go to:
http://www.drgriggs.org
Self Esteem For Teenagers

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